You don't spell it son, you eat it....

Ok probably going to hell for that Dick Clark joke below but really dude....staying behind the scenes might a little more apprioriate now.....better yet....the guy is probably worth hundreds of millions..shoud'nt he be on a beach somewhere getting endless happy ending massages by Asian slaves?

Please tell me you saw the Dog the Bounty Hunter "Mercy Tour" bookmobile tour....Dog and his family meet couple at book signing in Fla. who adopted meth babies, they go their house, he asked them what they want in life..they say an addition on the house..he goes out to a motley crue of neighbors who gathered outside..asks who is a carpenter...one kid says he took it in high school...he says get your friends and build an addition, "I'll pay for it" then hops on a bus and goes back to Hawaii......

A. Must have missed the carpentry class in High School that taught you how to build additions on houses...

B. "Hey dog...it's Billy Bob...addition is done...hello Dog...Dog...I think he hung up on me"

I've seen that show many times, never once felt inspired.....I just like his outfits....

You could say anything to Dog and Beth and they can relate...or outdue....Me: Dog I've killed 4 cats while high on Ice...Dog: Bra, when I was a young buck I ate cats for breakfast every morning"

Sooo...they have about 20 kids ranging from ages 45 to 3?

Seriously though...probably will never be serious on this site ever again...watching that show....his book signings....across the midwest...you see the people that are in line....kids with serious problems....people with ailments..drug addicted....even worse....fat....and.....ugly....hug your family and children tonight and be happy they are safe, healthy and happy....holy shit maybe it did inspire me.....

Speaking of massages...going for a "hot stone" massage this morning...guys you might get this....when they say get ready and I'll be back in a fews minutes to start....does anyone else panic for about a minute whether or not you should take off your boxers or not?

Never got a hot stone massage...when the first one gets put on I might whine..."ouch...that is hot...and I am very stuuufy"

Tell the milkman...no more cheese

Sat on Rt. 35 behind plow trucks/police cars for 30 minutes on Tuesday...not sure what was going on....some kid with his girlfriend in car behind me started honking his horn? Kept it up every 5 minutes for 3 miles....Really dude? Thought to myself..If I have to get out of my car and punch him in the face can I take him...then I noticed he was driving a White Volkswagon Jetta and realized...yes I definately could...

Celebrity Rehab Finale

Janice Dickenson must of told her plastic surgeon...I want every part of my body tucked but NOT the neck...That stays...

When I was in 3rd grade Lief Garrett was a god to every girl in my class...if he walked up to those girls today they would probably blow their rape whistles....

Jeremy London.or..Jason London which one is it again...screw it I don't care...Was that his Dad or Reginald Denny?

I actually teared up when Eric Robert reunited with his step-son. You know the one who only agreed to be reunited so that his band could play at the end.

Was it me or did the cops that came to talk to Huugie Bear aka Jason Davis seem like they have had this coversation with him many times before....4 LA cops to see if he was ok? I guess that Bllod-Crip problem is settled.

The movie Sherlock Holmes was actually not as crappy as I thought it was going to be...solid B...Didn't know Holmes and Watson were lovers though....RDJ and Law had Brokeback Mountain chemistry...When Rachel McAdams showed up on screen I said to myself  "what is sheee doing here"...

Here is a deleted scene I obtained from the original Karate Kid script that was taken out and they did not want you to see

Alli: I started dating Daniel Laruso
Alli's Friend: the guido kid from Jersey?
Alli: yeah
Alli's friend: the one that lives in the welfare motel and always has
bruises on his face?
Alli: His shower costume at the Halloween party won me over
Alli's Friend: But Johhny is hot and rich
Alli: yea you are right, I'll dump him right after the All-Valley Karate
Championships....

In the words of Dick Clark "Hacky Nu Yea"

Tell that to George Zip....

Listen.... anyone who gets me a Christmas gift, I love, but my mother-in law got my family a movie theater style popcorn maker? Does she think I am Master P and have a gameroom for this crap?....Yeah I'll put it right next to my jukebox and we can have popcorn and rootbear floats while listening to The Shondells....

So glad my wife's Aunt got my a gift card to Home Depot...not sure I could fake another "Oh thanks for the Doorbuster Kohls sweater...I love it"...

My kids now have Wii and Xbox and at first thought it was ridiculous...but seem to remember having Pong and Atari 2600 at same time as a kid...Boy was I spoiled...

After 7 hours of Call of Duty and Halo, my two boys started arguing with each other...gee that's wierd......

These idiots who go on these Road Rules/Real World Challenges

A. Do they have jobs? Sorry boss gotta leave for 4 weeks again....You know...another Cuttthroat Island challenge...See ya...
B. They act like winning this 30 grand they are going to split up 7 ways will set them up and change their life? .......C'mon stop convulsing and get up, we gotta win this challenge...I need this.....
C. They defiantely ply these kids with Patron and Cisco....
D. We get it.......Tonya is a bitch...Wes is an ahole...blah blah bah....The fact I know any of their names makes me sick.....

Been going back and forth on this for two weeks now...is the chick Brandi from Storage Wars hot or not? I am thinking she looks like a hot Amy Adams...Gregg B. will back me up on this....

This snow is stupid....

When we re-inlist I am going to teach them baseball...

Celebrity Re-hab.....Been trying to stay away from this show but had to watch latest episode...

Lief Garrett- Dude, we all know you are bald, lose the bandanna already....

The threshold of celebrity has hit an all-time low....Keisha Cole's mom? First could not name a Keisha Cole song if you put a gun to my head.....but respect her now that I realize her mom is a total crackhead...

Janice Dickensen really likes reality shows huh, I think I just saw her on HouseHhunters...

Can't wait till the Eric Roberts, my sister Julia ignores me episode...you know it's coming...

Storage Wars

Been walking around my house all day yelling out..."yyyyuuuuupppp"

I keep waiting for the episode where an owner of a locker comes up and is like "uh, why are you going through my stuff?"

They keep saying old pinball and coke stuff is sooo rare but it appears to be found in every reality show, in every pawn shop, locker, garage....

Saw the movie It's Complicated with my wife....not all that complicated...Merryl Streep is sleeping with her ex-husband and Steve Martin likes her...

And oh....Alec Baldwin must eat surf and turf evey night because he is now built like a young Dom Delouise...

Housewives of Beverly Hills..

So these idiots get a dog which makes there kid wheeze and break out in a rash and they have to decide and discuss what to do? I think the Dad...ok Russell..embarrassed I know his name....actually said "but I don't want to give up the dog"....

Happy Holidays..."yyyuuuupppp"

Lies lies lies....yeah...

Ok, trying to get over this auction/storage wars wave of shows....can't wrap my head around not being able to pay for storage but giving up thousands of dollard in merchandise.....what can storage cost..never mind don't want to know...but am glued to this stupid crap..

When I think of storage I think of a head in a jar ala Silence of the lambs....

Ok, you want the ultimate concert movie..2006 Coachella movie...bang..see it....Pixies reunion worth weight in gold....

The new 16 and pregnant crowd are..boring...Give me Gary ....Amber...and the other idiots...this new crowds wants to play Xbox and....oh shit whay I am I analyzing this....I need help

If you are a millionare and need that chick Patty to hook you up, give your money back, pull a Caradine and kill ourself...

Hi Patty I live in NY, am worth 6 million and can't find a date....huh..  wha wha wha....thanks god my spree in NYC I was making 30 grand a year or I'd probably be dead....

Struggling who to tell about this blog...only want to tell people who will appreciate...and that might only be 20 people I know.....I know 4 poeple who might laugh at 20% of this crap so that is good enough for me...

Tron 2...48 million first week...really....Please make a movie about Asteroids....

If you like semi hard rock...download Alter Bridge ABIII...guys from Creed+new singer=rocking CD...

Worst feeling in World= Christmas Cards gone out and you get a card from someone not on your list....

Don't ask don't tell...really...can we please file this under the don't give a shit section.....I got friends who are out of work people..gay people in army not a big deal.....ok you got me again, none of my friends are unemployed but I hear it is tough out there....exscuse me while I slip into my hotub and sip my champagne...

I've come to the realization that I can't stop the phrase "if I don't see you have a good holiday"...so If ...well you get it....

Where is my mind...

Hush hush in the bush....

Not sure which song I like better Countess Luann whatever her name is "Money won't buy you class" or Kim whatever her name is "Don't be tardy for the party"... . one thing I do know is that they are both very talented men....

A. Money usually can buy you class
B. Isn't is always better to be a little tardy for the party?

I am waiting for Ne Ne's husband to pull an Ike Turner on her....

Now the American Picker guys are bringing Danielle along on the picks....next thing they are going to do it pay $65 for a Leather jacket and $40 for some vintage water skiis....

Hobo Jack....everyone loves Hobo Jack, what a character, don't make them like him aymore...national treasure..until he parks himself and his crap next to your property ....then you want him maced and arrested...

Anyone see James Franco on Inside the Actor's Studio....Ok actor but not exactly De Niro..."then you did a masterfull portrayal of the Green Golblin and followed that up with the role of a lifetime , Dale from the movie Pineapple Express....all the while having a day job on General Hospital" huh....

Watched the Goonies with my kids the other day, when Chunk says he loves sloth, he means as friends right? Right?

Remind me never to go to a dinner party with the Housewives of Beverly Hills..

Arrested Development is the most Underrated show of all time.....

Counting down the hours till Parks and Recreation comes back on air.....

A Hospital, what is it....

When it is 11 pm at night and you are deciding whether to watch Andy Cohen's Watch it Live, it is time to reevaluate your life...when I say re-evalaute, I mean celebrate..on how AWESUME it is....

Housewives of Beverly Hills...I might have to rub my eyes here, maybe I saw unclearly but I think I just saw Kato Kalin and Faye Reznik on the same episode...now I know why I live on the east coast...

Is the one English chick married to Peter Nuune of Hermans Hermitts?

Uh Camille Grammer...you husband moved across the country for a year...reality check..not that into you...

Please tell me you saw John Beynor crying on 60 minites...his wife says she is pround of him and he bursts into tears? Now I know why Obama won't play golf with him....First his wife looks like Graham Greene, second if you are going to cry at least make it count..

For instance I cried during the following films:

Rudy- Not only did I cry but I think I needed tear duct surgery to replace my eyelids
Hoosiers: not sure but I think I cried during opening credits
Good Will Hunting: When Bennifer goes up to pick him up at the end and he is gone, my grandfathers casket might as well be in the apartment

Ok this is is where it gets wierd, I also cried during the following movies

-Waterboy? WTF I am mentally deranged but at the end when he won the blue bonnet bowl or whatever the fuck it was I....well I already copped to it (See the Best of Times...same issue) shit I think I also cried in Varsity Blues now that I think of it...there is a pattern here...
-Rock Star..Saw this in the theater with Gregg B. and Chrissy L. and yes I for some reason cried and they caught me, and I think they've secretly held against me ever since...
-Every episode of Modern Family...yes I know it is a comedy but when there is about 70 seconds left in that show...for some reason I well up when they get all sappy...call me gay...call me an idiot...Ok I am an idiot...

Now let's talk about films that scarred me..talking about films where crying was the third problem I had..the first two being scarred for life and nightmares which still haunt me 32 years later...

A. Elephant Man: WTF, why would a 8 year old kid watch this? I slept sitting up for 5 years after watching this movie (only kidding)..only for 2....
B. Mask: For a a-hole 10th grader I was, who once stayed home from school because I had a big zit... this kid rocked, but he also fucking freaked me out...How Eric Stoltz (see earlier post) does not have an Oscar for this is a crime. He should get the Oscar alone for meeting Rocky Dennis and keeping down his food...

Yeah if I don't see you Happy Holidays too....whatever that means, what if I see you before Xmas?, does that mean we have to go through this bullshit exchange again....

It's a big building with patients.....

Here are a couple questions growing up watching TV that are still unanswered to me

-Mr. Willis was a millionare, had a housekeeper but Arnold and Willis had bunk beds and had to share a room? Thanks Dude...oh and we are going to public school too, thanks again money bags....

-Speaking of Millionares the house on Silver Spoons appeared to be a Mansion, why did they always hang out in the foyer?

-Why wasn't the fact that Roger and Dee's father was a chubby chaser not addressed? Do yo think he nailed Shirley too?

-Just how cheap was that rent exactly on Three's Company? They were so afraid of losing that crappy apartment, Chrissy probably coudl have gotten free rent anyway by sucking off Mr. Furley....

-Speaking of cheap artments, how cheap was the rent for Buffy and Hildegard? C'mon guys, pony up the extra $50 a week so you won't have to dress like drag queens...

-Why was Mork doing on that episode of Happy Days? So Fonzis two enemies were the Malichi Brothers and.....Mork?

How about Mork and Mindy..he lands on Earth and a hot chick says he can stay with her, but he can only live in the attic.....thanks bitch.....Can I eat out of the garbage too....

-So Laverne and Shirley moved to LA and everyone they knew said "what the hell we will too?" Ha... look Lenny, Squiggy and Carmine Ragusso followed us here, that's not too weird....

Wouldn't the owner of the Love Boat say these things after a few years

-Why is this 14 year old invovled with the Operation? I don't care who your father is you little priss
-Doc please stop banging all these chicks...it's lawsuit waiting to happen....
-Dammit Merle who is steering the ship while you are on all these dinners with your ex loves? And pull those socks up....
-Issacc I like your attitude, now make me a gin and tonic...

So if you were dating someone you supposedly loved, and she was a housekeeper and was treated like a dog, and you were a succesful butcher, wouldn't you take her away from all that? Sam you are an a-hole...

Celebrity Rehab....What is this, I thought Rachel Uchitel was supposed to be hot...she looks like a bloated Charro.....

But that's not important right now...

Why do I watch that TMZ show on Channel 5?

-"Hey we got Judd Apatow on Sunset, and he got some ice cream, I think it was strawberry"....

I love the great questions they ask the "celebrities"...."Hey Keifer, going on a flight?" Uh yeah dipshit, I am at the airport....

Who exactly was looking for a Tron sequel? I seem to remeber the video game sucking royally as well...

The following are movies I paid for at the Theater and walked out of before they ended

1. Tron (see above)
2. Weekend at Bernies 2 - Mc Carthy you were in Fresh Horses for goodness sakes, act like you've been there before...
3. Hudson Hawk- Willis made up for it with Striking Distance, as we were all clamoring for a movie about River police
4. Awakenings-Robin Williams trying to get Robert Deniro in a wheel chair catatonic to catch a tennis ball for 3 hours
5. Speed (only kidding)

Speaking of movies.....where is Eric Stoltz?

Jerseyliscious......

Went to the Gatsby Salon yesterday, got my hair washed by Phillipo, then Gigi, Frankie and I went on a Ferris wheel....Frankei set the whole thing up, he is so romantic..

The one girl looks like Jesse Ventura with a wig.....

If the girls that worked there just used a little make-up they would be hot

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills...

Still waiting for the Camiile Grammer Irritable Bowel syndrome special episode...

Meet the Parents was funny, Meet the Fockers was kind of stupid and Meet the Focker kids looks like a suckfest...

No Roger No Rerun No Rent...Turkey....

Speaking of Christmas....Walmart at 4 am must be the 8th rung of hell on Black Friday...you can keep your $89 Acer laptop.....

Being stampled by a bunch of screaming fatties at 5 am not the way I am going out...

Evidently, TVs now are basically free, glad I spent $1300 on my 32 inch LCD in '05.

Love thse people who take so much pride in their online shopping...yeah I get it, I've heard of the internet...

Did that Boise State kicker really miss that 14 yard field goal? Tom Dempsey could have kicked that with his penis....

Iron Man 2 was like a good trip to the Dentist, can't say it was bad, can't say I enjoyed it, but wished the hygenist stuck her tits in my face...

Get'em a body bag...yyyeahhhhh...

Great Holiday commercial time again, and we can again feel like losers because evidently people are giving wach other Lexus's all over the place...

Here is your Lexus Honey...oh forgot..payments are 578 a month.....

Speaking of commercials, people that laugh at commercials are idiots...

He went to Jarret and got me a bracelet for 119 dollars, wow...aftger that he went ovet to Chik-fil-et and ate a sandwhich in the food court

Watched Memento the other night....f'ing genious...

Boardwalk Empire

Everytime I look at Jimmy Darmady I think to myself...Ok try to forget he was Henry on Dawson's Creek....

Didn't realize Al Capone was 4'11.....

Ok...one day they are in winter coats the next day they are people on the beach...this is Atlantic City NJ
right?

No waitress I don't want coffee or dessert, it's bad ebough this dumb meal is costing me $90

Thanksgiving

Hate the kissey poos you have to do when you get there...Hi, barely know you, you are my brother in laws Aunt I think, why the f do I have to kiss you hello again?

Nice car Ms. Laruso.....

Was at gym today minding my own business when some guy comes up to me and goes "can I cut in for a set"
A. Place was empty
B. I will be done in 2 minutes
C. Do you have emergency surgery in 20 minutes Doctor?

If I am the really old guy in the gym working out in jeans please put a pillow over my head....

Hate the pople who do the wierd exercises to get noticed...Let's wrap giant rubber bands around my body and bend to the side while holding a kettle bell.....

Hate the aholes who stop and stare at the Business news on TV for a prolonged period of time...relax Gecko....

and If I am ever in a mob flash dance please shoot me knee caps out...

Hoarders

Why do they all say "I don"t know how it got like this". You mean you don"t know how the house may smell and look cluttered after you crapped in plastic bags for 10 years and threw them in a room? Still scarred by that episode.

If a possum is living next to your toaster, might be time to reevaluate things...

If you are a man, and a Hoarder and over 60, it is a federal law you need to carry around an oxygen tank?

I like to watch the show Intervention because I like the feeling that people are more screwed up than me...OMG that guys is drinking at 10 am, I at least wait till 12.....

Leave him alone Johnny....he's had enough....

Was watching the Housewives of Atlanta and the blonde chick with the wig keeps saying her boyfriend.."Big Poppy" was famous but doesn't want to be part of show....So I thought and thought...who could it be..I know.....David Ortiz....

Those guys from the Buried Life are the biggest bunch of aholes....We sat around and made a list of things we wanted to do before we died..wow....so lets travel around on a bus for weeks on end with no chicks in sight.......While we are at it why don't they pick up Andrew Jenks so we can have a 5 way orgy.....

AudioSlave's 2nd and last Album...Revelations...is a genious and Chris Cornell is a rock god...

Sometimes I feel like Margaret from the book "Are you there God, its me Margaret"......Then I realize Margaret is a girl and I would probably want to f her.....Then I realize that book sucked....

What happened to that Show on VHI about reuniting bands...I am dying to see how the boys from Spandau Ballet are doing....

American Pickers

Love the one where the guy would rather build a fence around his crap than pick it up...

and the one where they try to sell old gas pumps to Steve Urkel....

Here is a hint...if it is worth 3 grand and made of metal, might not want to leave outside....

Here is a Facebook post I wrote but then erased, figured might not go over well "I don't care about a cute thing your kid said, or that you are sick or that you just ate something yummy, or that you got laid off....or stressed....wwwwaaaa..and I especially don't care that it is your birthday..I hate you all.....

Off to the liqour store to load up on some Four Loco...

Off the top of my head

Housewives of Beverly Hills.... Camille Grammer...now I know why Kelsey Grammer jumped off that stage... I seem to remember the old wrinkled one as a child actress, I think she was an extra in the Cat from Outer Space   Can't tell if the Malouf chick is 36, 38, 40 or 60?   Why do they all have kick ass bodies but fat ass ugly kids?....oh yea, they married mutants....... with large bank accounts...   How exactly does someone like Ne Ne get a Bently and a Mansion?   Parking Wars   How many tickets do these people get, where are they parking, on people front lawns?   You think Garfied and Sherry take baths together?   Love the people who wait in line for 5 hours then get up to the front and forget their Insurance card and Registation, then take it out on the poor slob working behind the counter...   Real Life my Parents are Broke   Yeah....because they drink , smoke and don't work....   Real Life I Gamble   Can't decide if the guy who has no job, a baby on the way, had 6 grand in his hand and gave it back to let it ride is a f'ing loser or my hero   Adam Corrolla's new book....In 50 years we will all be chicks is genious...   Can't bring myself to waych Invictus...why?....because I think Rugby is stupid...   Nothing better than having the under and a rainstorm moves in.....the simple things in life   A buddy of mine asked me how many kids went to my high school,  I said 300...went home to look online...1200...1200 kids went to my high school...   Few sports thoughts...   Any team winning on a Monday Night game is going to the SuperBowl according to Gruden   Rames Barden...hardly knew ya...   Bring back Guy Whimper.....   Time to end the Eagles hype....