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Taxi Driver...I'm the Egg man...

RIP Adam Yauch...musical genious....Paul's Boutique best album of all time...

Real Housewives of  the OC

Ok Vicki, Brooks is about as creepy as the guy who confessed to the Jon Benet murder....and anyone who uses the phrase "the bomb.com" and is in their 50s is a fucking wannabee dickhead....don' t make me pine for Don...please....

OMG Briana eloped...so shocked.....yeah fucking right...it should be like...omg someone wanted to marry......or even fuck that fat dud....

I finally figured out what Slade does for $, he is a professional cyclist....

Johnny Travolta say it ain't so...Ok.... I have to get this out of my system

1. Heard he told the massage guy to "get shorty and give it grease lightening"
  a. then he told him to  straighten out his "broken arrow"...
  b. I am convinced it was not him but Nic Cage with his face on....
  c. John they are supposed to give you happy endings...not the other way around dude...
  d. Dude you have a fucking plane...fly to the Phillipines for that shit bro....

Got a new outdoor deck set last night...got it from the Kmart white trash collection....

Whenever Kmart asks for my zip code before I can pay with my debit card I always type 90210...

Cheeck & Chong & Richard...genious...Eli Manning home run....

Pedro Sanchez offers you his protection...

Real House Wives of NJ

Ashley you are leaving for Las Vegas in the morning pronto....you go on the stripper pole at Cheetahs at 1:00pm...you'll be staying with your Uncle who will most likely molest you....now get out of here kid...time to make some changes....I'm proud of you....

I think it is nice how Albie takes care of his retarded brother Christopher.....Saw them both on Millionare Matchmaker...right after I watched back to back to back to back episodes of Bar Rescue...

Got a massage on my trip to AC with my boys last week...

A. For some reason whatever the massage girls say I always automically respond "yes" or "fine"...she can basically ask me if I would like hot saurkraut on my back and I think I would say "ok"
B. Every massage I get I spend half the time wondering if a happy ending is coming...ok the whole time
C. Why do they always tell me to roll over on my "tummy"?

Got through 15 minutes of Larry Crowne and decided it was the worst 20 minutes of film I have even seen....specifically the opening credits when Hanks is working at a Walmart and is fucking giddy over stocking shelves and cleaning boogers off of toilets....

GIRLS on HBO....lead chick not hot enough.....in fact not hot at all and that is not "ok"

Jack White's new album Blunderbuss......genious....

Wang dang sweet poontang....

Million Dollar listing NYC

They hate to do this but will do it this one time and one time only, they will give part of thier commission to make the sale, now they only get 95k each.....they are such humanitarians......

Michael is making my way up in the business the hard way...from the bottom up...oh...and his Dad owns the company ...little tidbit....

Anyone who pays $700 for a bathing suit deserves to be on a vacation in Thailand and see a big wave coming at them.....

Do you think that kangaroo in that guys apartment secretly hates him?  I do....

Frederik seems like the kind of guy I would love to have a beer with.....

Was at a party last week and a couple of my buddies who have girls who play basketball were going on and on about women's basketball...omg....Shabaaz lost to St. Joe's, Manasquan had a good game with St. Rose blah blah blah.....Baylor has a girl that can dunk blah blah.....I finally could not take it anymore and blurted out to them that I would rather watch gay porn than women's basketball.....

Before anyone thinks I am sexist etc. for saying that I also fucking hate watching men's hockey too...

Memo to the guys at my gym, can you take a crap at home BEFORE you get there...please....wtf

Watched Shawshank Redemption last night for the 33rd time, and still cried like a baby at the end...

No,  I will not watch Storage Wars CSI: Texas or whatever it is called, I have my favorite locker buyers and can not cheat on them...

Duck Dynasty: Ok I guess more people hunt ducks than I thought....

Having trouble watching Real Housewives of Orange County...why you ask...because I finally realized an hour of my life is not worth watching an argument between Eddie and Tamra in which Tamra is upset Eddie high-fived Vickie because she doesn't like her man "touching other women"...Even just typing that made me gag....

And Jersey Shore is out too...and anyone who says the word Snookie and acts like they aren't sure how is say it is full of shit....What's her name "Snoky, Snoopy" shut the fuck up you watch the show and damm well know her name, rank and serial number bitch....

Please please somebody win the Mega Millions so I don't have to fucking hear any more fucking idiot people tell me if they won they'd quit their job, or worse keep their job like some badge of bullshit....or buy a boat, pay off this and that..give this to this person..pay off college....shut the fuck up......!!!!!!

Follow the leader Rakim will say....

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We want EFX.....

Been a way for a while....been working out hard with kettle bells trying to fit into my new pajama jeans....

Someone the other day told me the wine they were drinking had a great "nose", I told them to suck my dick and never talk to me again...

Watched 1/3 of the Oscars the other night....

A. Billy Crystal looked like he popped out of a casket
B. Sooo....they gave the chick from the Help who won best supporting actress a standing ovation...because....why again? No one else got one...Oh yeah she is fat and black and not hot so she deserves extra praise...
C. The movie Drive is my personal best picture
D. Tom Cruise is starting to look like an extra from the Lord of the Rings

I watched The Big Bang Theory for the first time on the plane down to Aruba, I fought it for so long, refused to watch for some reason but on a plane I will watch anything, I even watched backed to back episodes of that stupid trivia game in a cab bullshit...so anyway I watched it.....that shit is pretty funny yo......

Was thinking about the movie Roadhouse the other day with Patrick Swayze...so he invites his friend Sam Elliott down to help him clean up some bar...you know the old bouncer who taught him all he knows......who in turn gets stabbed in the chest and dies on a bar..but before he dies he says something like "stay strong meeho"...If that was me I would be like "dude thanks for inviting me down here you fucking asshole, so worth it, you know getting stabbed and killed and all so you can clean up some hick bar, thanks, thank you very much"...asshole...fuck you ...

Speaking of movies the movie Hall Pass is genious.....

Watching the Kardashians, I don't think Kim wants to be married to Chris anymore, I think they may break up....just a hunch

Did Jenner really go with two earrings? Why not just throw some lipstick on Bruce....

Dammit Napolean fix yourself a damm Quisedilla....

Was in a Shop Rite in Trenton the other day, the patrons reminded me of a cross between the bar in Star Wars and the zombies from the Thriller video.....

Speaking of shopping these mother f'ing salepeople who work in Jos A Banks and Polo act like they are royalty and are looking at me in disgust because I am in gym clothes?....hey asshole I probably make 4 times more than you do..... you are 50 years old and dressed impectably but you prob live in a one bedroom efficency in a crack hotel....your not James Brolin ahole....

While waiting in line to buy stupid Christmas gifts is it ok to scream "FFUUCCKK" at the top of your fucking lungs?

Speaking of yelling...my gym has a "ladies only" workout room...I am so tempted to go to the door and yell "C'mon ladies...show me some titties!!!!" every time I walk past it....but then compose myself and realize if I do I should probably use the words "breasts" instead....

RHWBH

Can these bitches have one fucking party without all hell breaking loose. It's all Russell's fault.....I wish he was dead...

My buddy said Kyle looks like Demi Moore...my response: yes if Demi Moore went a round with Tito Ortiz...

Lisa and Ken don't want an extravagant wedding....that is why they hired what appears to be the most flamboyantly gay Asian man in history

Anyone who names their kid Pandora is an asshole...

Mauricio....black shoes with tan pants?..I hope you rot in hell....

RHW Atlanta

Koy is just such an amazing good guy blah blah blah...but he is with Kim...so that in my mind makes him a raving stupid asshole...

Something tells me Shreree married Bob Whitfield just for his money...just a wild guess....

Bob Maplethorpe potential getaway driver...go!

RHWBH....Lisa just tell Taylor you hate her fucking guts so we can all go on with our lives....

Fuck those ITT Tech commercials...OMG my life has changed so much since I've become a Nurse's Aide..I can feed my family now that I am a data entry operator....what they hell were these people doing before...cleaning cum out of peep show booths?

Speaking of commercials...screw that guy who tries to sell us Fords and then has the balls to also try to sell us Levis too? I've had Fords, don't want another one and would not be caught dead in Levis......f u..and your butt..

Headhuntress.....I'm hooked after one episode I admit it....she is hot too...not sure if she is 35 or 50  but...if I was single I'd love to touch her leg in a non-sexual way....

Watched back to back epiodes of MTVs FriendZone last night...the show where a guy and girl are friends but one wants to be  "more than friends"..not sure why you need a TV show to tell someone that but anyway....at one point get misty eyed when the dorky kid winds up with the fat Asian chick after she says yes, she will be more than friends...then I say to myself...she's a fat ugly asian chick what else is she going to say?....I have problems...

Noel Gallagher's new album is excellent and better than the last two Oasis albums combined......

Please put a pilllow over my head if:

A. You ever come across an elderly me walking in a mall before it opens with other old folks in white walking shoes
B. You ever hear me tell someone in a store that I can't believe Christmas stuff is already out in October
C. I ever use the phrase "old folks" again
D. You ever see me walking along a highway with a backpack on

Watched the VH1 show Why am I Single?...why are you single...cause you are on a show called Why am I Single...problem solved....

Your VCR should cover it....for openers.....

RHWBH

Kim has a new boyfriend, shhh...it's a secret, she hasn't told anyone about him...why...cause....it appears he is a fucking loser...but she is so fucking happy....as long as the crystal meth never wears off...

Loved the seance the girls had, it turns out the dead believe they are all strongwilled, independent and smart women. What a fucking suprise.....

Well with the exception of Brandi, she is still a slut.....

Kim you don't need botox bee stung lips, I would gladly punch you in the mouth for free....Ok for a small fee... I'll pay it...

I know Ken likes to play the whole "I'm a tough old Englishman" bullshit...do tough Englishman usually walk around carrying tiny dogs dressed in leather outfits?

New Beavis and Butthead genious....

Real Life I Text Alot...OMG me 2....

Why on earth do I watch that Millionare Matchmaker show....oh yeah I remember...because I have more game than idiots who made 10 million bucks and it makes me feel better about myself....

Patti is such a great matchmaker, episode 9 of season 2, the couple actually go out on a second date....

Found out today you can actually find good deals on cool clothes at Marshalls...Of course you need 2 hours to sift through every fuckign rack and then another 45 minutes to wait on that fucking line for the register..On second thought please keep your $12.99 Ralph Lauren Chaps velour sweater....

The kids section is particularily corny....unless you want your kids decked out in irregualr US Polo Association duds...

"Those aren't the droids you are looking for"....That is what I typed and then erased on my buddies facebook post under a pic that showed his kid with two stormtroopers....couldn't go through with it....

Hey Now..........

Got my Saturday night all set...a little K2...some purple drank and the box set of Reno 911....

RHWBH

Game night was so fun at Dana's...Kim hid Brandi's crutches....that bitch...unfortuntaly she as so high on crystal meth she hid them behind the chair Brandi was sitting in...

Way to go Kyle....no one accuses your sister of being high but you.....

During charades it was nice for Kim and Kyle to remind us all that Kim was in that gritty drama "Tuff Turf"...what..... they couldn't work the fact she was the sassy daughter on "Hello Larry" somehow into the game....

Speaking of Tuff Turf....Spader is back...The Office has never been better...the Garden Party ep was fucking genious...Steve Carrell whooooo?

So I Used to be Fat premired two weeks ago in MTV...I watched...of course...of course 20 minutes in the kid goes out on date with the girl he likes who of course liked him only as a "friend" when he was fat but now is re-thinking it....superficial whore...but....must say...55 minutes in I am hanging on the edge of my seat while they kid is on the scale......with tears streaming down my face when they get the results...and I actually say to myself..."that trainer is a good guy"...WTF....

Boardwalk Empire...still genious....I have not seen Sir Dabney Coleman get abused like that since Tomlin, Parton and Fonda tied him to a chair and all fucked him ...that's how 9 to 5  ended right?

How to Make it in America is my new Entourage...great show....

Harry your hands are freezing.....

Was at party the other night and some guy was whinning to me that he used to be best friends with Jersey's own Andrew Mc Carthy growing up but Andrew went to Hollywood, got famous blew him off and never returned his calls after he "made it". My response......"Fresh Horses sucked".....

A little note to the Facebook "People You May Know" feature....yeah I know Timm Mellnor...problem is...I think he is a huge fucking asshole....but you did get me on this one.... I do not know Sujim Katz....

Heard the song Relax the other day on Sirius New Wave...now that I know what that song is about it kind of creeps me out...Shoot it in the right direction...ehhhwwwww....

Real Housewives of BH

Who is this new chick with her $25,000 sunglasses? 25g for sunglasses.....No wonder people are protesting on Wall Street....

If you have a pair of sunglasses for that much money you'd better fucking be the hottest chick on the planet....

Wa...Wa....my husband left me for Le Ann Rimes....I'm so over it tho...I only mention it every minute instead of every 30 seconds....

And who the fuck is Eddie Cibrian again?....what was he in...the 4th lead on Baywatch Nights?

Yes Camille, expect the worst and you won't be disappointed...how many times you gonna to use that one...when you mean the worst do you mean getting the houses in Beverly Hills, Hawaii, NY and 20 million dollars?

Paul please never take your shirt off again....

Ok Real World...you've outdone yourselves again...a girl...I think...who is a lesbian...but looks like an attractive 17 year old boy...bravo..MTV...bravo......

Was thinking at work today....BJ and the Bear...which was one was BJ and which one was Bear....Decided that BJ was super hunk Greg Evigan and Bear was the monkey...

OK ....you win....Bridemaids was funny....

I'm truly sorry but it sounds like a wonderful thing.....

Was reading People magazine the other day and they had a spread on the Kardashian wedding...no not the ugly one to Lamar Odum but the hot one to what can only be described as an amazing looking caveman....

So many A-list stars there....Joe Francis, Mario Lopez, Brody Jenner....does anyone have an airplane barf bag handy?....

Speaking of People Magazine, trying to get my US mag fix without the guilt and they gotta throw the cancer surivivor was has siezures story in there...c'mon..don't try to go legit on me on page 79.....

Movies

OMG......I don't know how she does it....Sara Jessica Parker...she works and has kids...holy shit...I know how she does it...how....because 35 million other fucking other women in this country do it too under far worse conditions....suck it up bitch.....further in real life she prob does it with nannies so don't even try it horse face....

Would I rather be anally raped by a Haitan intravenus drug user or see "The Help"...yeah the anally raped one....

Watched Thor with my kids...was actually kick ass....wasn't aware Jeremey Shockey could act.....Nice job by Natalie Portman...did the Director just tell her act like you want to fuck the shit out of Thor in every scene...

Halloween costumes

Never dress up for Halloween but friends are having a party...was thinking of going as either Steve Bartman or Mario Van Peebles.....

No whammies No whammies...No whammies

Real Housewives of NJ.....

And the Emmy goes to...Gia Guidice...for seeing a chipped tooth and acting like she just witnessed a pencil go through an eye....

Didn't realize Joe Guidice was a gymnast......

Just watched the vacation episode....I wasn't aware the bankruptcy plan includes all inlcusive trips to Punta Cana.....

Who is Greg again? Albies boyfreind? ...

Anyway, when I was young I liked the song "Shadow Dancing" and carved the name "Andy Gibb" into my bedroom celing.....just thought I'd mention that...wonder if it is still there....for those to don't remember him he subsequently died of AIDS from having sex with Victoria Principal....

Perhaps you heard of his brothers...Barry..Robin and .........Maurice???? Say what?

I hope Celebrity Rehab worked for Dwight Gooden...will be ever pitch again?

Don't think I'll see the movie Contaigon....Was'nt there already one these movies with Dustin Hoffman and some monkey....Anyway.....Paltrow-Law-Damon....been done...Talented Mr. Ripley people....why try to re-create the magic...

Tosh O.=hysterical....

That's the name they gave me.....

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Camille is such a great person, donating her used shoes to the needy and all...

Maybe Adrianne and Paul can donate the $2200 dollar empty bottles of champagne to the toys for tots program as well..

Speaking of tots.....Toddlers & Tieras...only caught 15 minutes of this show before I gagged...Thoughts:

A. Live it up little chicks...the future is not bright...why you ask....because your Moms appear to be ugly fat pigs with awful poodle haircuts....
B. The show should be called Future Date Rape Victims
C. Are the pedofiles allowed on camera or do they just hang in the lobby until taping is over?

Watched the Jersey Shore episode where Ronnie and Mike fought then the whole house cried, yelled at each other then moped around for the rest of the episode....very uplifting.....

Also watched an episode of Downsized.....so a few of the kids wanted to kill some innocent birds in the back yard with a b-b gun, then afterwards tget all go off to church....am I missing something here?.....

Jenny from Flipping Out...please...stop rapping.... Sister Soulja you are not....

Could you describe the ruckus sir....

If one more person whines about not having power I am going to hop in my hottub and turn all my tvs on....

...of course this coming from a guy who didn't lose power and sat down on Sunday night, lit a cigar, poured some brandy and watched Entourage...

Ok...now that I got that off my chest.....speaking of the hurricane...Maurice DuBios better get a god damm Emmy for his round the clock concerned look on his face throughout last weekend...

Storage Wars has a special on tonight...they all sit around a poker table and play poker...that is called jumping the shark boys and girls.....

Betting pre-season NLF football is fun, challenging and stupid all wrapped into one....

Tried watching the show Basketball Wives but got physically ill...watched enough to know they should have named the show this instead:

A. Strippers who tricked NBA stars
B. Getting back at Shaq
C. The girl Kenny Anderson banged from Real World 2 and other Assorted Whores
D. Girls who talk about about Chad Ocho Cinco alot

Funny..... I didn't see Rick Smits wife on show......

The new singles by Jane's Addiction and Bush=slamming....

Who's this Gary character?

Watching Little League World Series....the Keystone, PA moms are NOT milfs....I am guessing that is where they make Keystone beer, explains alot.....

Watched Superheroes again...few more thoughts...

A. The Extreme Cave needs a Trading Spaces makeover from zenmaster Vern Yip....
B. After curing the ill, telling the future and dazzling the ladies Master Legend's whopping thirst can only be cured by a Busch Light tallboy....
C. Is the Mayor of Chula Vista, home of the famous Chula Vista groper, in the Beach Boys?

For some reason watching a marathon of Downsized......Does downsizing usually include keeping your Mercedes and 7 other cars?

My guess is the marriage of Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries will end as soon as he becomes the PF for the Sioux City Rapids of the NBDL.....

Hate talking about commercials but would please someone settle this for me...is "Jess" from those stupid annoying Dominoes pizza commercials a dude or a chick?

This is Mooney's bike now.....

Why did I watch back to back episodes of Flipping Out last night....all I can say is that Chazz will no longer cut my hair now that he didn't hire Jeff for the NY job...bastard...VIP room my ass...

By the way, is Chazz the pizza guy from Fast Times a Ridgemont High?

Watched Dallas's Most Eligible or what I like to call it "Bunch of Fucking Assholes"

As if I needed another reason to hate Dallas....

True Life I have a Sugar Daddy...

A. Yes..... if a guy you call a fucking Sugar Daddy buys you a $500 dress you have to "bring the heat"...it's part of the dealio....
B. By the way haven't these sugar daddys ever heard of prostitutes?

Had two events in last 24 hours that made my question my manhood...

A. Eyed welled up during Michael Lohan's breakdown in group on Celeb Rehab....not...sure...why...I think Dr. K consoling him put me over the edge...
B. Made the statement to family that we had to watch Rocco's Dinner Party because "Liza Minelli" was a guest...

Did I just typed the phrase "in group"?... ok maybe three events....

More Celeb Rehab

You know you got a bunch of fuck ups when Stephen Adler is making the most sense...

Amy Fisher....why are people so mean to you? waaaa...I don't deserve to be happy...waaa...uhhhh...you shot an innocent women in the face...why aren't you still in jail again?  By the way, I like my porn stars a little less whiny....

Speaking of porn, is it neccesary to have ads on how to grow a 10 inch cock with photoshopped pictures of a 10 inch cock on some skinny dude right on the front page on these fucking porn sites...For goodness sakes show a little class....I am trying to eat my lunch here.....

Finkle is Einhorn....

Einhorn is Finkle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please I implore everyone to watch the Documentary entitled Superheroes on HBO...genious....

Few thoughts:

A. Master Legend likes his beer...
B. Like their Justice League insignia...they should be expecting an injuction from the NFL any day now...
C. Wonder if these real life crimestoppers had rough childhoods?
D. Arnold Diaz is my real life superhero...Shame...On...You....

Yay!!! Christmas at the Real Housewives of NJ and I hope they all get foreclosure letters in thier stockings...well..except for Albie..he's a sweetheart....real smooth with the ladies too...was actually wondering if he pissed himself when Alexa Ray Joel sat down....

Was Joey Guidice coming off a peyote trip X-mas morning?

Why am I talking about Christmas in August?

Jersey Shore..Italy...lame....I mean it's like so weird for Sam to see Ron after...like...you know....

Celeb Rehab:

A. I should not know the name Kate Major

B. Amy Fisher's husband has a bit of a temper

C. That being said Jeremy Jackon's chubby sister should keep her fucking mouth shut....

By the way The Town is an awesume fucking movie....

Yo I ain't no toast....

Housewives of NYC

You are not pregnant Ramona....your just stupid.....

Is that Simon or Rip Taylor?....

Jimmy Fallon's "Thank you notes" book is fucking hysterical....

Housewives of NJ

Who the hell does Kim G think she is? Speaking of....is it my imagination or is she the hottest 80 year old you've ever seen...

How exactly does someone who is declaring bankruptcy have personal stylists to do their hair and make-up for a X-mas party? I better shut up though or Joe Guidice  might do a roundhouse kick to my head...

Something tells me in a few years when Joe Gorga is declaring bankruptcy himself he's going to wish he had that 50 grand back he spent on that party....

Movie Review Alert- Take Me Home Tonight starring Sir Topher Grace....Very Entertaining

Why are there no hot Hoarders?

Celebrity Rehab

Adler...just move in dude....

Did Amy Fisher catch a Dr. K Dwight Gooden fast ball to her lip?

Sean Young was once the hottest chick in Hollywood...now she looks like an extra from the Lord of the Rings....

Thinking of a word to describe Michael Lohan...I know...Turd...

I'm pretty sure the chick that works there , Shelly, is actress Judy Greer....

Hold it now...hit it.....

Just watched Back to Back episodes of COPS, as good as it has ever been. Love when the drunken idiots resist arrest, fight da police, then start whinning how sorry they are at the end....of course right after they get stun gunned....bitches...

True Life....I'm ex-Amish...wasn't aware Amish wore Colts sweatshirts and smoked like chimneys....

I don't watch that Gene Simmons show debacle, only see the commercials but hasn't he's been bragging about nailing all these women every time I turn around..... now his relationship to the chick from Hot Dog the Movie is not going well......boo hoo...maybe now she can try to hook up with Squirell......

True Life...I'm addicted to Porn...of course you are dude, your a guy......Although when I hear someone say the word "masterbade" it creeps me out....it's called jerking off a-hole....

Ok....so it appears 6 out of every 10 movies now deals with the premis that two friends, one boy and one girl agree to have sex but....god no they can't have feelings about it..because they are both so fucking good looking they can't be a couple..The newest is called Friends with Benefits...starring Justin Timberlake and Natalie Portman....or is it Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis?