Memo to all the Housewives of the OC, Miami, NYC etc.....You are not runway models....get off the catwalk.....leave it to the pros...like Rumor Willis....
Real World: Dustin was a gay porn star? Ha...of course he is/was.....but why are his roomates mad at him??...unless he anally raped them in their sleep....then they have somewhat of a right to be perturbed....if not who fucking cares......
Dustin lied to us...we don't know the real him...waaa...waaa...listen asssholes you are Vegas...Vegas people...you should be like "really, gay porn, wow, ok that's weird, maybe keep my distance from him" , uhhmmm....ok let's go out to the strip club and by the way what's the line on the San Diego St. game"?
Ha...that dork Chet on the aftershow called him "bi-curious".....ha...I am curious about Chinese culture but I am not sub-leasing an apartment in Shang-hai.....you are a little more than curious if you blow a guy on video....
Whenever a movie comes out where they say it was made 2-3 years ago and is now being released=always sucks.....
Today was evidently Secretaries Day...or aka Adminstrative Proffessionals day...as if paying them isn't enough we have to thank them with stupid flowers...why? because we tell them what to do.....how..about..giving them raises to say thanks.....fuck the flowers....
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Time for some time for some action...
Drove by that place "Aldi" food stores today and thought...don't look... that is not for me...kind of like reading the obituaries....dollar stores ok..Aldi...hell no dog...
Speaking of the obits...when I keel over...don't put some glam shot of me up there...please put up the real old ragged fucked up pic...with the tubes out of my nose and shit....like last minute shit.....
People who think Obama was not born in the US or even fucking care need to get laid.....
Real World...Gee thanks Leroy...we finally are about to get rid of Adam and you are now breaking glass to make a point? I get the point, it is wrong to break glass...thanks bro...now I gotta get a pair of tweezers to dig out glass from my heels for the next 3 months...
Watched the Office again with Will Ferrell aka De Angelo Vickers...get your senoiritis on...it's Lake Havisu time...priceless....
The show "Relapse" is great...it's sad....uplifting...depressing...all in one...kind of like a trip to Kmart....
I appreciate when Home Depot thinks enough of us to have a self-checkout station......but then please tell the annoying lady working the "area" that I don't need her breathing down my neck while I swipe the shit...this isn't a rubics cube...I know what I am doing....
Speaking of the obits...when I keel over...don't put some glam shot of me up there...please put up the real old ragged fucked up pic...with the tubes out of my nose and shit....like last minute shit.....
People who think Obama was not born in the US or even fucking care need to get laid.....
Real World...Gee thanks Leroy...we finally are about to get rid of Adam and you are now breaking glass to make a point? I get the point, it is wrong to break glass...thanks bro...now I gotta get a pair of tweezers to dig out glass from my heels for the next 3 months...
Watched the Office again with Will Ferrell aka De Angelo Vickers...get your senoiritis on...it's Lake Havisu time...priceless....
The show "Relapse" is great...it's sad....uplifting...depressing...all in one...kind of like a trip to Kmart....
I appreciate when Home Depot thinks enough of us to have a self-checkout station......but then please tell the annoying lady working the "area" that I don't need her breathing down my neck while I swipe the shit...this isn't a rubics cube...I know what I am doing....
Monday, April 18, 2011
Hear the drum and get wicked....
Got caught up in the Saddle Ranch/Audrina/Mob Wives VH1 marathon last night...
They should call the Mob Wives show Stupid Whor.....uhmm I mean they are lovely young women...let's move on....
Audrina's show is boring...prob because she is....there is only way that show will survive...three words...Sir....Justin..... Bobby....
Saddle Ranch-The owner runs a tight ship...Reminds me of Gregg B's Palm Grille days.....
Real Housewives of the OC
Sooo Eddie says he owns a Law Office...but he is not an attorney....but his Dad is one....and says it is a family business...huh???...that is calling leeching off your parents to the fullest dude....C'mon man you could have at least faked your way through some shitty Law School to at least make it look good...
Slade..... you fat tubba wubba of shit....I am suprised he even goes out in public without a housedress....
Slade and Gretchen love their dogs like children...hate when people say this....the only people that do are....people without children.......once the baby is born...its aww fuck I gotta walk the fucking dog...
Uhh... Don... when your wife says she would rather be at the Insurance office than with you...time to take that half that business and start waving around middle fingers......
And Vicky it is an massage...you are supposed to shut your fucking trap....Insurance is not interesting...
They should call the Mob Wives show Stupid Whor.....uhmm I mean they are lovely young women...let's move on....
Audrina's show is boring...prob because she is....there is only way that show will survive...three words...Sir....Justin..... Bobby....
Saddle Ranch-The owner runs a tight ship...Reminds me of Gregg B's Palm Grille days.....
Real Housewives of the OC
Sooo Eddie says he owns a Law Office...but he is not an attorney....but his Dad is one....and says it is a family business...huh???...that is calling leeching off your parents to the fullest dude....C'mon man you could have at least faked your way through some shitty Law School to at least make it look good...
Slade..... you fat tubba wubba of shit....I am suprised he even goes out in public without a housedress....
Slade and Gretchen love their dogs like children...hate when people say this....the only people that do are....people without children.......once the baby is born...its aww fuck I gotta walk the fucking dog...
Uhh... Don... when your wife says she would rather be at the Insurance office than with you...time to take that half that business and start waving around middle fingers......
And Vicky it is an massage...you are supposed to shut your fucking trap....Insurance is not interesting...
Friday, April 15, 2011
Tap the bottle and twist the keg.....
Driving to work today and was thinking:
Why do these strip club bartenders aka wanna be strippers that work in strip clubs think they are above it all? Just because you don't drive a Mitsubishi Eclipse convertable doesn't mean you won't be on the pole in 4 months....Strip club bartender =unsure nervous stripper in training
Was thinking bout my 80s mall experience:
A. I credit Space Port with my immune system being so good...probably caught and fought off 30 diseases in that place. Besides avoiding being molested and waking up in a tub full of ice missing a kidney...
B. Sharper Image..Wow..things from the future like a cork screw that is battery operated...could they tell the future? No, you want to impress me...have an Ipod in a glass case in '88...that would have been impressive ....losers....(Thank you Doug B) (Gregg B. Spencers????) No thanks don't need a wacky black light....
C. Chess Club...It wasn't a club..had nothing to do wth Chess....cashed in on parachute club and Chams shirts....and the people that worked there thought they were gods..and are probably all now dead from AIDS...
D. Why was thier always some chinese inspired place that sold rock posters? Ours in the Quakerbridge Mall was called Oriental Pearl..was probably an happy ending place in the back...
Who the fuck are these poeple who are paying for porn? If you want to see the whole movie go to blah blah blah .com and pay $9.99. Uhmm I can get the first 18 minutes and 39 seconds for free...unless the rest of the movie is going to tell me the meaning of life or what the ending of Sopranos was about I'll pass....
So Adam was tossed off the Real World...now some new girl is coming in...and of course she is "sassy"...how dare she disrupt their 3 week old "family".....
Adam...David...Puck...all kicked out..but Steven wasn't for slapping Eileen..why? ....because she was nuts from lyme's disease and deserved it...
Acution Wars
It appears Brandy and Jarrod are making their power play...yyyyyuuuupppp...
Has Barry Wiess ever made a profit? I wonder if he wore his skeleton gloves when he jerked off in his antique spitoon.....
Undercover Boss-Is it a requirement of every CEO that they be a total fucking nerd?
Speaking of porn....if I hear German or French from their voices...ehhhhwwwwww
Went to a Science Fair/Art show at my kids school last night...Love my kids and the school...ok now that we got that out of the way...after about 20 minutes I said to me wife "how long do I have to walk around acting like I give a shit?"
Watched the Office last night...Will Farrell genious...wasn't blown away but the fact his name is De Angelo...genious....
Rob Lowe dancing on Parks/Rec........ok refuse to say it again...one more time....genious
Was in Macy's yesterday...saw a hooded sweatshirt I liked...was $29.99 maked down to $20.65..being the cheap fuck I am thought to myself....Jedi Mind Trick...walked up to cashier...young hot Indian chick and said...this says $20.65 but I think this may be 70% off.....she scanned it...no it isn't...I said ok I'll buy...she goes....be back in a minute...comes back...it is 70% off...that will be $8.29....these aren't the driods you are looking for......try it...believe it....
Dave Grohl might be one of the coolest rockstars of all-time....
Will say this once and once only....Howard Stern is a gift from the gods...Whoever does not have Sirius radio is missing out.....
Why do these strip club bartenders aka wanna be strippers that work in strip clubs think they are above it all? Just because you don't drive a Mitsubishi Eclipse convertable doesn't mean you won't be on the pole in 4 months....Strip club bartender =unsure nervous stripper in training
Was thinking bout my 80s mall experience:
A. I credit Space Port with my immune system being so good...probably caught and fought off 30 diseases in that place. Besides avoiding being molested and waking up in a tub full of ice missing a kidney...
B. Sharper Image..Wow..things from the future like a cork screw that is battery operated...could they tell the future? No, you want to impress me...have an Ipod in a glass case in '88...that would have been impressive ....losers....(Thank you Doug B) (Gregg B. Spencers????) No thanks don't need a wacky black light....
C. Chess Club...It wasn't a club..had nothing to do wth Chess....cashed in on parachute club and Chams shirts....and the people that worked there thought they were gods..and are probably all now dead from AIDS...
D. Why was thier always some chinese inspired place that sold rock posters? Ours in the Quakerbridge Mall was called Oriental Pearl..was probably an happy ending place in the back...
Who the fuck are these poeple who are paying for porn? If you want to see the whole movie go to blah blah blah .com and pay $9.99. Uhmm I can get the first 18 minutes and 39 seconds for free...unless the rest of the movie is going to tell me the meaning of life or what the ending of Sopranos was about I'll pass....
So Adam was tossed off the Real World...now some new girl is coming in...and of course she is "sassy"...how dare she disrupt their 3 week old "family".....
Adam...David...Puck...all kicked out..but Steven wasn't for slapping Eileen..why? ....because she was nuts from lyme's disease and deserved it...
Acution Wars
It appears Brandy and Jarrod are making their power play...yyyyyuuuupppp...
Has Barry Wiess ever made a profit? I wonder if he wore his skeleton gloves when he jerked off in his antique spitoon.....
Undercover Boss-Is it a requirement of every CEO that they be a total fucking nerd?
Speaking of porn....if I hear German or French from their voices...ehhhhwwwwww
Went to a Science Fair/Art show at my kids school last night...Love my kids and the school...ok now that we got that out of the way...after about 20 minutes I said to me wife "how long do I have to walk around acting like I give a shit?"
Watched the Office last night...Will Farrell genious...wasn't blown away but the fact his name is De Angelo...genious....
Rob Lowe dancing on Parks/Rec........ok refuse to say it again...one more time....genious
Was in Macy's yesterday...saw a hooded sweatshirt I liked...was $29.99 maked down to $20.65..being the cheap fuck I am thought to myself....Jedi Mind Trick...walked up to cashier...young hot Indian chick and said...this says $20.65 but I think this may be 70% off.....she scanned it...no it isn't...I said ok I'll buy...she goes....be back in a minute...comes back...it is 70% off...that will be $8.29....these aren't the driods you are looking for......try it...believe it....
Dave Grohl might be one of the coolest rockstars of all-time....
Will say this once and once only....Howard Stern is a gift from the gods...Whoever does not have Sirius radio is missing out.....
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Get some beer...and some cleaning products...
Real Housewives of NYC
Countess LuAnn De Loopey's new boyfriend looks like David Swimmer and Adrian Brody's retarded half brother...
Those guys are lucky they have cameras on them.....because I get the feeling if they didn't one day some wacko is going to club them over the head in an old barn with a spade shovel and bury them in their garden....that would be an "ice-breaker"
Bethany Ever After is crying because she is leaving baby Brynn for two days...she can't stand to be away from her for one second.....unless of course she is home...then the baby gets passed right off to the nanny.....
Countess LuAnn De Loopey's new boyfriend looks like David Swimmer and Adrian Brody's retarded half brother...
American Pickers
When Frank says there is a huge market for old toys is he talking about the GoodWill bins by the Shoprite?
When Frank says there is a huge market for old toys is he talking about the GoodWill bins by the Shoprite?
Those guys are lucky they have cameras on them.....because I get the feeling if they didn't one day some wacko is going to club them over the head in an old barn with a spade shovel and bury them in their garden....that would be an "ice-breaker"
Bethany Ever After is crying because she is leaving baby Brynn for two days...she can't stand to be away from her for one second.....unless of course she is home...then the baby gets passed right off to the nanny.....
Dr. Drew with some hard hitting questions on the Teen Mom 2 finale....including.....How did it make you feel when he was mean to you? ...followed up by and how did it make you feel when he was nice to you? uh...Drew.....I am no Dr. but..... probably bad and...... good....
Watching the new Karate Kid...Jaden Smith for some reason keeps wearing muscle shirts aka wife beater aka guinny tees to show off his toothpicks arms....at least Macchio had cool windbreakers to hide his pythons.....
Watching the new Karate Kid...Jaden Smith for some reason keeps wearing muscle shirts aka wife beater aka guinny tees to show off his toothpicks arms....at least Macchio had cool windbreakers to hide his pythons.....
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Put the needle on the record...
Real World...Dustin....dude it's Go Carts...not Nascar Waltrip.....at least he wore a shirt
Newsflash: If your girlfriend or boyfriend goes on the Real World...move to Russia.....or break up with them first....quickly
Tell me if this is weird, was looking at my hair in the morning and said to myself..."my hair looks like Bruce Greenwoods"....another underrated character actor....then I thought to myself in a non-My Sister Sam/ Rupert Pumpkin kind of way...I bet we would get along....ok I made that part up....the part about getting along....but my hair is starting to look like his....
Simon from the Real Housewives of NYC strikes me as the kind of guy who would be caught in a men's restroom at the Vince Lomardi rest stop pulling a Larry Craig at 3 am in the morning with Jim Mc Greevey..
Speaking of Simon and Alex...did I hear correctly...perhaps I should turn my miracle ear up...Alex is pursuing a modeling career? Well it's about time....
Newsflash: If your girlfriend or boyfriend goes on the Real World...move to Russia.....or break up with them first....quickly
Tell me if this is weird, was looking at my hair in the morning and said to myself..."my hair looks like Bruce Greenwoods"....another underrated character actor....then I thought to myself in a non-My Sister Sam/ Rupert Pumpkin kind of way...I bet we would get along....ok I made that part up....the part about getting along....but my hair is starting to look like his....
Simon from the Real Housewives of NYC strikes me as the kind of guy who would be caught in a men's restroom at the Vince Lomardi rest stop pulling a Larry Craig at 3 am in the morning with Jim Mc Greevey..
Speaking of Simon and Alex...did I hear correctly...perhaps I should turn my miracle ear up...Alex is pursuing a modeling career? Well it's about time....
Sunday, April 3, 2011
You guys had shirts on when you came in here...
Please tell me you saw the Celebrity Apprentice where Meatloaf goes bat out of hell on Gary Busey for stealing his paints....only to find out they were in a bag in the corner...easy Robert Paulson..don't fuck with Mr. Joshua...and would you really call the guy "Meat"? His real fucking name is Marvin....I looked it up....
Please also tell me you saw this week's Secret Millionare...where the owners of the "Curves" franchise gave away 380 grand....to charity... But the couple liked one of the reformed real Gs so much that worked in one of the Centers that they gave him 20 grand...and I think they alluded to him using it for education.....at the end they showed him with a used powder blue Cadillac Deville and the caption said he bought the car with the money to get to and from the Charity Center....they forgot to add start a pimping business....and by the way who the fuck goes to Curves?
I've come the conclusion that Bobby Zarin is one cool cat...I can't believe I just typed that....
On the flip side Donald Trump Jr. is a little creepy.....
Do me a favor...if you are on Facebook...Please don't put on your status what you ate or had to eat and if someone you know types that...please do not respond "Yum"....
Tamra could not make Fernada's citizenship party...what a shame because it looked like a real bash...balloons and everything....
Please also tell me you saw this week's Secret Millionare...where the owners of the "Curves" franchise gave away 380 grand....to charity... But the couple liked one of the reformed real Gs so much that worked in one of the Centers that they gave him 20 grand...and I think they alluded to him using it for education.....at the end they showed him with a used powder blue Cadillac Deville and the caption said he bought the car with the money to get to and from the Charity Center....they forgot to add start a pimping business....and by the way who the fuck goes to Curves?
I've come the conclusion that Bobby Zarin is one cool cat...I can't believe I just typed that....
On the flip side Donald Trump Jr. is a little creepy.....
Do me a favor...if you are on Facebook...Please don't put on your status what you ate or had to eat and if someone you know types that...please do not respond "Yum"....
Tamra could not make Fernada's citizenship party...what a shame because it looked like a real bash...balloons and everything....
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Something happened to them man....
Somebody told me today that he had a Skinny Girl margarita and it tasted like Mr. Clean with a dash of lime.....thank you very little Ms. Ever After ...
Not trying to get all William Miller on this site but am listening to the Broken Bells self titled 2010 album while typing this...I feel like I've taken a shower with Gary and Wyatt...a real "mindscrambler"...
Won our first Little League game today against Spring Lake..some coach on the other team kept saying "lock and load" to his players while batting..as I was walking off the field tasting the sweet smell of victory I muttered to myself "lock and load this... mother fucker"...ha
My pitcher had a perfect game after 4 innings and I pulled him out of mercy .....don't worry his father is my friend and assistant coach and agreed....but....thought after game....if my my drunken Drill Sergeant Little League coaches from the 70s would have heard about that they probably would have puked...but not before 20 dry heaves....and calling me a pussy...and making me run 20 laps....then calling me a pussy again...
Been watching the Daily Show with John Stewart...forgot how much I like my fellow suburbanTrenton homey and his moderate liberal like minded views...
Teen Dad 2...Gregg B. keeps getting me to try to watch this....the one thing I noticed..every teen dad has bad facial hair, old beat up baseball hats, poor teeth and weird ear piercings.....I never got laid in high school how the fuck did these losers ????
I did, however, in 9th grade....have a senior from Princeton Day school who lived down the street from me who would give me and my friends blow jobs every Saturday night while her parents went Scottish dancing...She was hot...but crazier than a shit house rat....let's move along....
Watched the Real World again...do the guys on the show know there was a thing that was invented in circa 450 b.c. called ...a... shirt.....which they seem to have an allergy to...
These idiot guys barely put their bags down before proffessing their love for some housemate they've known for 45 minutes...
Sorry I don't find conjoined twins fascinating....it freaks me out man!!!!
Thank you for making another Fast and Furious movie...in about two years I will be on my couch at 10 pm on a Sat night after a few beers and go...cool I'll watch this...
One more thing...if anyone read the above and knew William Miller was the kid's name from Almost Famous...they are a fucking genious....
Not trying to get all William Miller on this site but am listening to the Broken Bells self titled 2010 album while typing this...I feel like I've taken a shower with Gary and Wyatt...a real "mindscrambler"...
Won our first Little League game today against Spring Lake..some coach on the other team kept saying "lock and load" to his players while batting..as I was walking off the field tasting the sweet smell of victory I muttered to myself "lock and load this... mother fucker"...ha
My pitcher had a perfect game after 4 innings and I pulled him out of mercy .....don't worry his father is my friend and assistant coach and agreed....but....thought after game....if my my drunken Drill Sergeant Little League coaches from the 70s would have heard about that they probably would have puked...but not before 20 dry heaves....and calling me a pussy...and making me run 20 laps....then calling me a pussy again...
Been watching the Daily Show with John Stewart...forgot how much I like my fellow suburbanTrenton homey and his moderate liberal like minded views...
Teen Dad 2...Gregg B. keeps getting me to try to watch this....the one thing I noticed..every teen dad has bad facial hair, old beat up baseball hats, poor teeth and weird ear piercings.....I never got laid in high school how the fuck did these losers ????
I did, however, in 9th grade....have a senior from Princeton Day school who lived down the street from me who would give me and my friends blow jobs every Saturday night while her parents went Scottish dancing...She was hot...but crazier than a shit house rat....let's move along....
Watched the Real World again...do the guys on the show know there was a thing that was invented in circa 450 b.c. called ...a... shirt.....which they seem to have an allergy to...
These idiot guys barely put their bags down before proffessing their love for some housemate they've known for 45 minutes...
Sorry I don't find conjoined twins fascinating....it freaks me out man!!!!
Thank you for making another Fast and Furious movie...in about two years I will be on my couch at 10 pm on a Sat night after a few beers and go...cool I'll watch this...
One more thing...if anyone read the above and knew William Miller was the kid's name from Almost Famous...they are a fucking genious....
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