F' Jeff Goldblum, man!

The Oscars...

Kirk Douglas...Awwwkkkwwaaarrd...The guy was Spartacus...now he's the creepy incoherant old guy from the Oscars who wouldn't shut up...He has somehow managed to make Cameron Douglas the 2nd most emarrassing Douglas...Dude, realize you had a stroke but do you still really need the limelight that much at 107?

Must have missed the movies that made Hugh Jackman this revered movie star? Was it Swordfish or Wolverine? Anyway...the Aussie who should be having his ass kissed is Russell Crowe, not this guy...

Instead of playing the songs to get the winners off the stage..why not just have someone yell "get the fuck
off......we don't care"

J. Franco was high right?

Pet Peeve alert: Sorry but can't stand these things and have to get off my chest...

A. When someone says someone " Dropped the F'bomb"
B. When someone says they "party like a rock star"...
C. When someone starts off a sentence with the words "Me thinks..."

Your too shy shy...hush hush eye to eye...

Liam Nielson’s new movie  "Unknown" looks like a cross between Taken and Taken…

Watched back to back episodes of Storage Wars last night. Still can’t wrap my head around someone not paying rent on a storage unit but having $2300 stuffed behind an oil painting in the f’ing unit…Where are these people, are they dead? Kidnapped? The only thing I do wish, however, is that Darrell would stop wearing tank tops…

Was in my office today and I farted, then realized my Secretary was right outside...so I started doing the beat box.......not sure it worked....

Would Chase and Zoey just "do it" already...I am getting tired of this cat and mouse game...

Threat Level Midnight...

I unfortunately caught the Jersey Shore last night...I thought Ronnie was supposed to be keeping it real with Xenodrine? Guy was sobbing all over the place...There's no crying at Karma!

I hope they change the sheets in the "smush room"....or at least kick a little Fabreeze in there....

Not feeling the Real Housewives of Miami yet....Or should I call it the Real Housewives of the NBA...."I am so succesful and rich, I run the house and finances"...oh yeah by the way I am married to Scottie Pippin...little tidbit...

The one chick's Mom looks like Vincent from that old Beauty and the Beast TV show....

Please someone tell me they saw the latest X-Life when Cory visits his deranged family.....genious...and sad....but more genious....

There is a guy at my work, works in the mailroom, is a little off, he calls me "Mark" ...problem is my name is not Mark.....corrected him at first but now I just answer to "Hi Mark"...Did I mention this has been going on for 10 years...

Is there a grosser thing than watching someone eat cheesefries?

My buddy Gregg B. tells me he went to the movies to see No Strings Attached....my response: You fucking paid for an Ashton Kutcher movie? Then he tried to pass it off as a Ludicris movie....He rebounds that he thinks he "caught a glimpse of Natalie Portman's rosie nipple in one of the scenes"......ok....you get a pass...this time...

My wife tells me the other day that saying Really?....Really ? after something is said is played out and stupid....Then I heard someone say it in a 7-11 and realized how f'ing right she is....thank you Ms. Ranchwood, thank you..

Let's do it for Johhny....

Back from my trip to San Juan...great place by the way...

Why is there always one guy on the plane that has to be seen and heard...and does he really have to wear shorts on the way down, don't worry dude you can change when you get there? And why he is always on the return flight home as well....

On the way home the Stewardess asked the shorts guy if he had a great trip...his response "pretty much"...What the f does that mean?.....Of course I started thinking all the things that could result in a "pretty much response" and came to the conclusion that he probably he had a great trip but the last night he was anally raped by a gang of locals...

Hell has to be the moment when the plane lands, everyone has their carry-ons and you have to wait for the door to open and the idiots in the front to file out....

Saw a pretty awful Kathryn Heigle/Josh Duhammel movie on way home...Can't remember the name...but you know the typical we have a raise our friends baby because they died story......We hate each other..oh no our best friends died in horrible car accident let's grieve for 3 seconds....now we are raising a baby together....you change the diaper it really smells....hahahaahah...let's fall in love...Wait....I don't want this...wait yes I do...the end...

American Idol

Ashley Sullivan looks like Parker Posey on crack...what a mess...

Has anyone gotten more of a pass than Jayce Barduex....or as I like to call him Andy Milakinisduex......

What's up with all the stupid parents hanging around....and can one of them please be attractive and fit?

Wow Blake Griffin jumped over a car for the All-Star Dunk contest! No one worried about the car, it was just a Kia....we all know the only one on earth who actually loves those cars is Carl Banks....and by the  way, he didn't jump over it, I think his right foot might have went over the front license plate.

outin glieben glouten globen...

My Life as Liz...Yes it must be so tough being 18, having your own TV show and living in NYC...quit your whinning....hippie....

Is it me or is Steven Tyler and J Lo starting to look like other?

Did Ryan Seacrest really just call the first week of Hollywood "hell week"??? The kids that get getting cut are acting like they have to board the first train to Aushwitz after they don't make it... If you are banking on being an American Idiol you better have a serious sitdown with Sir Taylor Hicks....he won and still is a nobody... I could not tell you who even won last year even if you put a gun to my head....

I love when they plead like little wussies when they don't make it..."please give me another chance" or "I know I can do this".. ...why not just say "I'll suck your d**ck" Randy"....maybe that will work....

I love how they always say at the end of the show how "long" it was....You know who has a long day Randy...Longshoreman....Coal miners...they have long days...

Watched Rocky II last night and came to a conclusion: Mickey Goldmill was a man's man.....

Sat down the other night and popped open a watermelon Bartles and James wine cooler....l-i-v-i-n-

Ok I know the above statement is stupid but for some reason it made me laught when I typed it...sorry

Movie Reviews

Wall Street II- Gorden Geckos daughter never wanted the $100 million....uh..yeah ok...a movie about bad credit default swaps..uh ok again...... Grade= Where's the LaBeuf= C +

The Social Network..Bravo Mr. Timberlake...Bravo... Grade: B+

Will be on vacation till 2-18-11 visting the great territory known as Puerto Rico...please check back then....all two of you....thank you for your support....

The guys in my car club call me the Cruiser...

Entered one of those SuperBowl box pools, the ones where you number you get is the score in each quarter, got 3 and 5 sooo.... that is the 1st half score, 5 to 3, I am calling it right now....

Real Housewives Reuinion part duex

-Oh Camille "Donnatachi" Grammer now realizes the electronic cigarette smoking psychic who insulted everyone and told them she knows when they are going to die might have been a little "kooky"...

-Is that the Jersey City Donnatachi's or the Donnatachi's from Milan? Yeah JC thought so....

-Lisa can't believe Cedric would every do that to them...I mean who would have guessed a 35 year old man who lived scott free in a house for 3 years was a scam artist?

Why doesn't Kyle just admit she wishes Kim escaped back to witch mountain and stayed there...

Kyle can't go 20 minutes without reminding us all she is Paris Hilton's Aunt....Everytime she states it I give her a sarcastic clap in my mind....

Jersey Shore

Ronnie if you are bleeding from your ass from drinking might be time to at least switch to beer...

Was that doctor's house in a cape cod?

Jeff when you wake up from a one night stand with Snooky..sorry Nicole...you are supposed to...GO HOME...embarrassed and ashamed...then a few days later laugh about it with your friends...

Set it off on the left y'all...set it off....

Justin Beiber's new movie "Never say Never"...I will Never see.....

No matter what Sir Charles Sheen does...it can never be more embarrassing than his acting in "Men at Work".

Played basketball Tuesday night with some "30 somethinngs"....?

A. Was easily the worst one there...did I mention 22 guys played?
B. I think I passed out during the first game but kept on playing while unconscious...would explain the 2 airballs...ok 3 but who was counting
C. Finally scored two baskets in last game...then waved my finger ala Mutumbo at all of them....

Does anyone else despise the "Jiffy Lube" experience?..

A. Could the waiting room be more greasy?
B. When thy come in and say "Mr. Ranchwood, can I see you out here please" I always feel like they are going to tell me I have brain cancer
C. Convinced the show every sap the same crappy old airfilter
D. No dipshit, I don't want the engine flush for $79.99
E. Thanks, could the receipt be bigger, am I supposed to frame this thing?

Parks and Rec back..still genious...The Office still gold...